Questions
The Gender Spectrum Collection
What if I accidentally use the wrong name or pronouns?
If you deadname or misgender someone:
Apologize quickly.
Correct yourself.
Move on.
Try not to make a big deal about your mistake, as it forces the trans person to have to comfort you and/or draws unnecessary outside attention to the situation.
Even the most conscientious ally might accidentally misgender or deadname someone, especially if a person’s transition is new to them. It will be an adjustment at first, but it is important to always make your best effort to use a person’s current name and pronouns.
How is being trans different than drag?
Drag performers are artists/entertainers who dress up and perform in a highly stylized manner for entertainment purposes, often (but not always) as a different gender than the performer identifies with. Drag is a performance, not necessarily an expression of a person’s gender identity.
When a trans person expresses their gender identity, they are expressing a core part of themselves. Unlike drag performers, trans people are not embodying a character or performing as entertainers.
My coworker just came out as trans. How will this affect me?
Your relationship with your trans coworker should largely remain the same as it was before they came out or began their transition. You may have to get used to addressing them by a new (to you) name and pronouns, and you may notice physical changes or that they dress differently than before they came out, but you can expect to carry on as usual.
Your coworker is still the same person they always were—the only difference is that they chose to tell you their correct name and gender.
How can I tell if a person is trans?
The only way to know if a person is transgender is for them to tell you, and it is often inappropriate to ask—particularly if you don’t know them very well. Trans people identify with and express gender differently, have different coming out and/or transition processes and experiences, or may not come out or transition at all, so you cannot tell someone is trans just by looking at them.
Which medical procedures or surgeries are involved in transitioning?
Body modification is just one aspect of the transition process, and a trans person’s identity is valid whether they access medical treatments and modify their bodies or not. There are several surgical, medical, and non-surgical types of gender affirming care a trans person may seek.
Medical/Surgical Gender Affirming Care:
Medical treatment (hormone therapy and puberty blockers) are not available until a person has reached a specific point in puberty. Surgical affirmation is not available until age 16, but is typically not undergone until adulthood.
Surgical/Medical Procedures:
change facial features
reconstruct the chest
reconstruct external genitalia
facilitate hair growth or removal
remove internal sex organs
make one’s voice more typically feminine
preserve sperm/eggs for fertility purposes
Non-Surgical Gender Affirming Care:
Non-surgical gender affirming care allows trans individuals bring their bodies into alignment with their gender if they do not, cannot, or have not yet accessed medical or surgical care, or if they are currently in transition.
Non-Surgical/Medical Body Modifications:
modify body contours through use of
chest binders
packers/penile prostheses
tucking
breast/hip/buttock prostheses
changes to voice and speech patterns
speech/voice therapy
It is not appropriate to ask a trans person about their medical history, surgical procedures/hormone treatments, or body modifiers. It is never appropriate to ask a trans person about their genitalia.
What does it mean to be cisgender?
A cisgender (cis) person is someone whose gender identity or expression aligns with traits typically associated with the sex assigned to them at birth. For example, a cisgender man may be someone who lives as a man today and was assigned male at birth.
Baran Lotfollahi
How do I refer to someone when talking about them before they came out or transitioned?
Saying things like “before she was a he” or “when [deadname] was still a boy” is not a respectful way to speak about trans people. Instead, use language like “before [chosen name, or current correct pronoun] came out” or “before [chosen name, or current correct pronoun] transitioned.”
What if I don’t believe a trans person is the gender they say they are?
Understanding gender identity and how it can differ from person to person and potentially change over the course of someone’s life can be very difficult, especially if you have never experienced a disconnect between who you know yourself to be and what your body looks like, or if you have never thought about it before.
Even if you don’t yet fully understand trans people, they deserve the same respect and courtesy as everyone else in your life. We are all experts on our own minds and bodies, and none of us has the right to tell others their knowledge and assessment of their innermost self is incorrect.
A Thought: The same way you might feel very strongly that you are and always have been the gender you were assigned at birth is exactly how strongly trans and non-binary people feel about their gender identities being something other than the sex they were assigned at birth. Trans people are not confused, playing a game, or trying to trick people—they are simply living their lives as their true selves, just as you are.
If you’re having a hard time accepting or believing the information presented in this text, please keep listening and learning. Visit the LGBTQ+ Resource Library for more information.
Transgender | A Guide